Is Permissive Parenting The Best Style Of Parenting Out Of All The 4 Styles For Your Child?
The research or Baumrind Parenting style research observed different students in an environment of classroom or playrooms and observed that there were certain patterns of behavior among the children of the same age group. After studying further it was determined that these patterns come or develop from parenting styles in which the kids are raised. Four different patterns were observed in students.
These patterns were classified based on the extent of responsiveness and demandingness in parenting. These patterns are classified into:
- Authoritative Parenting (high demandingness and high responsiveness)
- Authoritarian Parenting (High demandingness and low responsiveness)
- Permissive Parenting ( Low demandingness and high responsiveness)
- Uninvolved Parenting ( Low demandingness and low responsiveness)
After studying these patterns and styles of parenting, researchers were able to determine that the behavior and mannerism of a child highly dependent upon how the child is raised by their parents. All these parenting styles are different and parents use different practices to raise their child. Let’s study permissive parenting in detail and know if it is the best for your child and their future.
What Is Permissive Parenting?
Permissive parenting is also known as indulgent parenting. It is the kind of parenting style that is characterized by very low demands put forward by parents with high responsiveness. The parents using this style of parenting are extremely loving towards the child and provide almost negligible rules and restrictions for the child to follow or stick to the guidelines.
The parents not at all accept that the child will act mature and show respect towards them as they are elders instead they will themselves act as a friend to the child more than being a parental figure the child should look up to.
You can say that they are at the extreme ends or polar opposite to parents who are often termed as helicopter parents. For those who don’t understand the term helicopter parenting, it simply means hovering over your child like a helicopter the entire time. Permissive parents do not hover over the child and their every move instead of this, the parents are extremely relaxed and rarely enforce any rules or guidelines of the child to stick to. Even if they do, they would not be able to keep up with it themselves.
Their motto is extremely simple “Kids will be kids”. These parents are extremely loving and warm and do not even attempt to enforce discipline or control over their child. And it has been seen through various surveys conducted from the past decade that children who are raised by permissive parents often struggle with self-control issues and self-regulation. This is only because the rules, demands, and exceptions enforced on them are negligible or very less.
Research On Permissive Parenting
Based on Diana Baumrind’s research done on preschool children, permissive parenting style or practice is one of the very first styles described by her research papers. Her research describes this parenting as indulgent parenting. The parents are said to be lenient and nontraditional. They usually avoid confrontation with the child’s behavior and allow them to do whatever they feel is right.
Different Characteristics Of A Permissive Parent
Some things have already stuck on your mind regarding permissive parenting by now. Let’s have a deeper look at what are the characteristics features of permissive parenting.
- Permissive parents are loving and nurturing towards their kids.
- They tend to ask the child their opinion before proceeding with major decisions and often considers it to the fullest.
- Their emphasis is more on the child’s freedom rather than being on the child’s responsibility.
- Any rules made by them are inconsistent and they often make very few guidelines or standards on how the child should behave.
- Some of these parents might use bribery like toys, food items, or gifts as a means to make their child behave or fulfill their requirements.
- Often appear like a peer or friend rather than being a parent.
- Provide structure or schedule very little in a way.
- They barely enforce any types of consequences.
Effects Of Permissive Parenting
As per various research and surveys conducted it has been found that permissive parenting has many negative outcomes. This overly relaxed approach of parenting shown or exhibited by permissive parents is not very good considering the child’s future. It has been seen that children raised through permissive parenting are less disciplined or tend to lack discipline, are self-demanding, and very self-involved, possess poor or negligible social skills and often feel insecure as a lack of guidance and boundaries set upon them by the parents.
According to research, permissive parenting makes the children:
Display less achievement in certain areas: Because the parents following patterns of permissive parenting have never set any expectations out of the children, the kids never develop a habit of stiving to the expectations put forward to them by anyone. Due to no willpower or expectation to perform a task, these children are often linked to low academic success and other achievements in life.
Child Makes Poor Decisions: Growing up, the child has never come across any rules and regulations along with no guidelines to stick to at home, so the child often cannot decide and make their decision. To be more precise we can say that the child lacks decision-making skills and problem-solving skills.
More Prone to substance abuse or delinquency: As mentioned earlier, the child cannot differentiate between what is good for them what is not at their age due to NO enforcement of adequate rules. The child tends to put themselves in alcohol or drug abuse when they are grown up. The child is more likely to engage himself or herself in misconduct and substance abuse kind of situations.
Less emotional understanding and high aggressiveness: All because the child has not been taught or learned about ways to deal with their emotional capabilities effectively, mostly in situations where the child do not receive what they desire for (As the parents usually fulfill all their needs being permissive and overly affectionate towards the child) and face issues related to emotional situations. The child raised through permissive parenting becomes aggressive too when they do not get what they are asking for.
More Likely To Be Overweight: Permissive parents out of their love and blind affection towards their child do not stop them from doing anything extra, for instance eating extra junk food or binge-eating even if they are full. Studies suggest that the children raised through permissive parenting are twice more likely to develop weight or be overweight than other parenting styles and their peers.
Not able to manage their habits and time: Due to lack of structure and low levels of rules at their house the child is never able to learn about limits and where to enforce limits. The child leads to watching too much phone or television, eating a lot, playing constantly on video games, etc. Due to no stoppage on unhealthy habits like binge-eating and surfing too much internet the child faces health disorders including obesity and develops unhealthy habits or lifestyle. Due to obesity, the heart rate is also affected indirectly.
In one study conducted previously, it was seen that permissive parenting was linked or joined with the use of alcohol underage. Teens having permissive parents raising them through permissive parenting were observed to engage themselves in alcohol abuse three times more than other parenting styles. Some research also shows that permissive parenting is often linked with misconduct and drug abuse, sometimes aggressive behavior of the child is also visible.
Because this parenting style of permissive parenting expects nothing in return from the children like demands or expectations the child while growing up develops a very low sense of discipline towards others and self also. The child is usually unruly in school or tuitions due to no boundaries enforced on them in their houses. The child lacks the motivation to do something and has no starvation to complete a task in a given time other than bribery given by parents.
Since the parents also expect the child to act immature just because they are a kid, the child often lacks skills related to social behavior and settings. Although the child might be great in developing interpersonal skills, they do not have sharing capabilities.
How To Change Permissive Style Of Parenting?
If you have come across the fact that you are being permissive towards your child and have struggled in enforcing rules you may consider looking and following ways that could be beneficial for you to change your parenting style towards more of an authoritative style rather than permissive parenting.
if you have always been a permissive parent, it might be difficult and challenging for you to become strict, enforce rules, and able to handle the child when they get upset with your changing attitude towards them. In such a situation what will keep you going? It’s goodwill and good faith for the betterment of your child’s future.
Here are some strategies you might want to consider that can be helpful to begin with:
- Create a list of important household guidelines for everyone: If you want your kids to follow the rules, start by following some basic rules yourself and set an example for the child to understand. Tell them how they are supposed to behave and what are the important rules they cannot break along with your expectations towards the child.
- Follow Through: For permissive parents, this can be challenging and one of the greatest struggles but know that it is crucial. Try to be consistent and firm throughout with a loving touch and capabilities for the child to know it is for their good. Help your child understand the importance of setting rules by giving them adequate explanations and feedback. Do not melt at this stage and make sure the consequences are set and in place.
- Ensure your child is aware of the penalty of not following or breaking the rules set: Setting numerous rules or guidelines are of no use until the child does not follow them or understand the consequences of breaking set rules. the child should know what will happen if they fail to keep up with the guidelines. Snatching few privileges and setting time-outs are some common penalties you can fix for the child to stick to the rules you have set.
- Good behavior should be rewarded: Try to keep your eyes on children and see if they are consistent with the rules or not. If they are following everything without showing signs of tantrums, it’s the best time to give some extra privileges that will motivate the child do more and stand up to your expectations. Building these skills in your child is very important for their future goals so that they do not suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression sort of conditions.
The Bottomline For Parents
As you know that permissive parenting often results in children that tend to rank low on self-regulation and self-esteem along with unhappy nature, these children are much more likely to perform poorly with poor grades in school and experience issues related to authorities, it’s time to take action for child’s benefit. Try to engage more with the child on family vacations and talk about their schooling or friends in detail.
Permissive parenting style leads to various issues so it becomes important for you as a parent to consciously try and adopt a more authoritative approach in raising your child if you have a feeling that the above-mentioned criteria of permissive parenting style fit you to nay extent.
If you provide your child the right balance of support and structure you can be free of negative thoughts and tension that your child will not grow. there is a saying “It’s better late than never”. You can apply it to your child as well. Make them understand what you expect out of them and how they should behave by showing them and not blindly enforcing as an authoritarian parent will do. Don’t allow the child to get away with bad behavior or not sticking to the rules even they beg you to do so because those skills also have developed because of your lenient and loving attitude towards themYou have to be more towards an authoritative approach.