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How To Find Out If You’re Dating A Narcissist?
If you are dating a narcissist and do no know how to figure out things, here is what you need to look at.
One should know that narcissistic personality disorder is not always about being too self-absorbed or confident in themselves, it is much more than that. Many people just randomly call people narcissists if they flex too much on the first date or post too many selfies or brags about themselves, dating a narcissist is totally different. Even we might call such people narcissists but are they? This is not enough to figure out or call someone a narcissist.
But a true narcissist has a narcissistic personality disorder. It is not something we must joke about or call someone unless they are. It is a mental condition characterized by few things such as:
- Highly inflated sense of importance
- Often getting into troubled relationships
- Lack of empathy towards people
- A deep need od admiration and excessive attention.
They are usually not concerned about what others feel or think of them due to their inflated sense of themselves. They are extremely selfish and their selfishness reaches the expense of others, when you are dating a narcissist, you might come across some not-so-nice experiences.
Like all other personality disorders, a narcissistic personality disorder is not just a black and white condition, instead, it falls on a wide spectrum. This is explained by the author of “the self-aware parent”.
If you want to learn how it is like dating a narcissist and having time with them or you are figuring out f you are dating a narcissist, here are some criteria designed socially to know if the other person falls into this category, have a look at each and think for yourself if you have come across something like these:
- Lack of empathy
- Grandiose sense of self
- Preoccupied fantasies of power, unlimited success, beauty, ideal love, brilliance, etc
- Believe that they are highly special and unique. Also, they should only associate themselves switch people having similar status or uniqueness.
- Need excessive admiration for little things as well.
- Sense of entitlement.
- Envy of other people and believe that all the people working together are jealous of them.
- Interprosally exploitative behavior.
- Demonstrated arrogant behavior.
Even after you recall some experience with your partner, it is difficult to diagnose by yourself if you are dating a narcissist. Knowing all these criteria does not make it easier to figure out everything.
It is difficult to spot if you are indulged with a narcissist especially when you are having a romantic relationship with the other one. You will require an expert to determine and diagnose.
You are here because you are in dilemma and concerned about your partner. Your concern is valid because when you are dating a narcissist, your health is at stake. Below given are some of the most important signs of dating a narcissist and some tips on how to handle them in situations where they might get worse and put your health at stake.
Signs You Are Dating A Narcissist
This might sound complicated or wired in the start but try to recall everything and know if you are in a relationship with someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder.
1. They Were Charming AF In The Beginning
It might have started as a fairytale everyone desires. Maybe your partner texted you every hour or constantly about being madly in love with you within the first few days you guys met. Experts of this field often call this “love bombing” Was this the case with you as well?
Even if you have just started seeing each other, they will compliment you constantly on how compatible you are with them or how smart you are. You might be thinking why will they compliment you when they are all about themselves? It is because of the beliefs they have. Narcissists believe that they deserve to be in a relationship or associated with people who are special just like them in their eyes. According to them, those special people will also compliment them.
But as soon as someone does something that disappoints them, they will soon turn on that person. usually, you will have no idea what wrong you have done. You do not have to worry about this as how narcissists treat you and how they turn on you has everything to do with themselves and what they believe, it is nothing to do with you.
As per experts if someone comes too strong at the start you have to be careful. Sure, all of us love this feeling but real love needs time to be nurtured and grown. If you think it is too soon for them to tell you all sorts of things like true love and life, it probably is too soon. Also, if you feel you do not know if they recognize you enough to love you deeply, they probably don’t.
According to experts, narcissistic people try to build superficial connections at the very start of their relationship.
2. Self-Absopbed And Brags
Another quality a person having NPD has. They hog the conversation now and then talking about how special and great they are. They often love talking about their achievements and accomplishments with grandiose. This is really common to them because they feel they are smarter and better than all other people in the room. This helps them create a different appearance of them being self-assured.
They have a habit of exaggerating their accomplishments and embellish their deeds through stories so that everyone appreciates and adores them for what they have achieved. They love being praised or admired in a relationship too.
This point has two parts to figure out if you are dating a narcissist. First is that they wouldn’t;t stop talking and bragging about themselves and second, they won’t engage in a conversation that has anything to do with you or about you. They are just too busy talking and telling stories about themselves.
You can ask yourself these questions- what happens when you try to talk about yourself to your partner? Do they express interest and ask you follow-up questions expressing their willingness to listen to you? or they just make this about themselves and start over again? Just recall your experiences and try it with them, you will know.
3. Have Tendency Ti Feed Off Compliments
They might appear super confident to you but most people suffering from NPD lack self-esteem, this is one of the reasons they like being overconfident and brag about themselves. They require constant praising and if you are unable to do that in a relationship, they will fish for compliments and praise. This is one of the reasons they look for you constantly so that you tell them how astonishing they are.
They use other people, mainly those who are extremely empathic to make them feel powerful and supply their sense of self-worth. Due to such low esteem, you will notice that their egos are slighted really easily. This again increases their need of getting more compliments.
here’s a thing, people;e who are really confident about themselves would not rely on anyone else to tell them how they are or feel good about themselves. Narcissists lack this quality.
The main difference between actually confident people and people suffering from NPD is that narcissists often require other people to lift them and they usually lift themselves by putting others down. These things are far from what a confident person does.
Basically, narcissists punish all the people working around them for their lack of confidence. If you are dating a narcissist, this might be common in your life.
4. They Lack Empathy
Narcissists are not empathetic towards people. They do not have the ability to feel others’ emotions. This is probably the hallmark characteristic when it comes to dating a narcissist. If you are in a close relationship or dating a narcissist, it might have bothered you a lot of times.
They just lack the skills to make you feel validated, seen, accepted or understood because they do not get this concept of feelings. In simple words, they do not pay attention to others’ emotions as they have created a shell that only involves themselves.
Had your partner ever asked you or cared how your day was at work? or your fights with your friends? or anything that has to do with your parents? Chances are, they might get bored even when you try to tell them things or these things make them mad at you.
Whether your relationship with a narcissist is romantic or not, the chances are- their inability to sympathize or empathize with people will become the reason why your relationship may collapse.
5. They Do No Have Friends For Long-Run
Most narcissists lack real friends for the long term due to their behavior. If you feel you are dating a narcissist, you can take a look at their friend by digging deeper. You may notice that they have only a few friends for short-run or casual buddies they trash talk.
Due to such bonds with friends, a narcissist might get mad at you or even start yelling when you want to hand out with your friends. They might start their blame game where they will tell you that you do not have enough time for them or make you feel guilty for giving some of your time to other activities of friends. They might even separate you from your friends. Here are some questions to ask when dating a narcissist or figuring out if you are in a close bond with them.
- How do they treat someone they do not want anything from?
- Do they have any long-term friends?
6. They Might Pick Constantly On You
At first, it might have appeared like they are teasing you out of love and it made you feel good or you laughed it out, but now it starts sounding mean and became more over time.
Suddenly you have noticed that everything you do from clothes you wear to television shows you watch to people you hang out with, everything has become a problem for your partner. Unfortunately, dating a narcissist is really difficult as you go through a lot of emotional stress.
They will start pulling you down, makes unnecessary jokes and laugh at you for no good reason, call you names, and starts saying one-liners that are mean and hurtful. Their only motive is to pull others down and that helps them boost their self-esteem and makes them feel powerful.
And something you might not know is that, when you react to their behavior, they often love it as they feel they have so much power over you and they like how you are affected emotionally.
If they are knocking you down by insulting you constantly, do not give them back, just walk away as they will find excuses in it. They just want you to understand that no one is better than them because, in their eyes, nobody is.
7. They Constantly Gaslights You
This is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation that narcissists use over you and they are really good at. It is another hallmark quality a narcissist has. So, if you are dating a narcissist, you will know. They may spew lies and accuse others falsely to distort reality. They are good at spinning the truth to make it in such a way that you believe over them.
There are few signs of gaslighting that you must note down if you are dating a narcissist:
- You no longer feel like how you were earlier or the person you used to be.
- You start feeling less confident and more anxious as they have degraded your confidence.
- You often start to wonder if you are being overly sensitive
- You start feeling everything you do is incorrect
- You constantly think it’s your fault even if it isn’t
- You are the one always apologizing for no reason
- You constantly make excuses for how your partner behaves
- You can sense there is something not right about things but not able to identify what is wrong.
They thrive on praise and approval, so they put you down to feel superior and worshipped through these manipulation tricks now and then.
8. They Believe They Are Right Every Time
It is nearly impossible to fight a narcissist and you will see this almost every day when dating a narcissist. There is absolutely no debating or compromising when it comes to dealing with them. You must know by now the reason behind this, you have guessed it right, it is because for them they are always right then what’s the point of debating?
According to experts you are dating a narcissist if they do not listen to what you have got to say, do not understand you, do not try to compromise in any situation, and do not take responsibility for their deeds in an issue.
remember the more control you have yourself and you remain quiet without paying attention to them, the crazier they become as they hate it when they do not have control over you. So the less you fight back, the less control you give to them over you.
Good partners are always able to tell when you need attention or when you want an apology for their deeds. Sometimes they even apologize for your mistakes whereas a narcissist is the opposite and this is what dating a narcissist looks like.
9. They Start To Panic When You Break Up With Them
As soon as you start making your way out of their life, they will start doing anything that can help them gain power over you. They will try harder to keep you in their life. At first, they may practice love-bombing you again by saying things you have always wanted to hear from them. This might make you feel that they have changed for you but it is not so.
But soon enough after this, they will again show you they have never changed the highest bit. This is the reason most narcissists remain on On and Off relationships until they have another person to date who listens to them and praise them.
10. When You Are Completely Done With Them, They Lash Out!
Another quality you come across when dating a narcissist is their lashing out at you. If you clear things with them and tell them you are completely done with the relationship, they try to hurt you as they think you have abandoned them. This makes their ego bruised severely and makes them feel rage. When they feel someone has done wrong to them or put them down in any way, hatred builds within them.
Breakup is also your fault according to them like all other things are your fault. Can you relate? They might bad mouth you to feel better or start dating someone else immediately so that you feel uncomfortable or jealous. This helps them heal their bruised egos. Some narcissists also try stealing their partners’ friends to make them feel worse.
You have to know that good manipulation is everything to a narcissist. If you are dating a narcissist, you should remain aware of these facts about them.
If you are dating a narcissist, many things given above might have struck your mind and there are high chances you have experienced most things given above. Well, being with someone who constantly gaslights you or criticizes you for no reason is really tough. It breaks you emotionally such that it takes a lot of time to heal. For your own sanity, you must get out of such emotionally exhausting relationships.
When you are dating a narcissist just remind yourself constantly that you deserve better, if you love your partner urge them to seek help and visit a therapist. Build a network with your friends so that they and tell you what is the reality as you might have lost the sense of it over the months of dating a narcissist.
You must know that their narcissist will never be fulfilled by a relationship as they find nothing special enough. You cannot change a person suffering from NPD or just change them by loving them more and investing more in them. No matter what you do, they will always be about themselves and would not be empathic towards your feelings. Most importantly you can never be enough for a narcissist because they themselves are not enough for them.
The best thing you must do when dating a narcissist is cut off all ties with them. Do not offer them explanations as your valid points mean nothing to them. Do not even give them a second chance even after they manipulate you to do so as they are never changing (unless they go for therapy).
They are most likely to make attempts to all to you, again and again, you must stay away from them. They will contact you and harass you with their messages and calls once you have rejected them completely. When dating a narcissist you might go through all such issues.
You must know that all the information given in this article is not to diagnose a person having NPD, you must rely on a piece of article enough to conclude you are dating a narcissist. It is just meant to outline certain reactions and behavior that are unacceptable in a relationship. None of the signs outlined in this article points to NPD or a healthy relationship and you must recognize them sooner or later.
Also, having even 1 or 6 signs of dating a narcissist does not make your partner one. Do not rely on something you read and conclude everything. Instead, if you feel your partner has NPD, try to take them to a doctor to conclude if they seriously have this condition or you are just overthinking.